Narcissistic Abuse Recovery
You Never Felt Truly Loved by Them
You could see it long before you’d say it out loud, that this person didn’t care for you the way you needed.
Selfish on the days it mattered most, distant on the rest, and reliably unable to meet what you were feeling.
What you want, more than you’d admit, is one person who understands.
You Love Them, and You Know What They Cost You
Both things are true at once, and both are at full strength.
You want them in your life. You also know, and you have the evidence for it, that being close to them does you harm.
Holding both is exhausting in a way people outside the relationship rarely believe.
Stop Rehearsing the Right Way to Behave
Before you see them, you plan the version of yourself least likely to set anything off. Afterward you go back through what you said and grade it.
Underneath sits guilt for wanting less of them, and shame for still wanting more.
That rehearsal has never once produced a person capable of receiving it.
What Can You Realistically Expect from This Person?
Together, we work out what this person can be expected to do, on the evidence of what they’ve done over years.
I’ll also ask you to understand them with compassion, a clinical move with no moral weight in it. Compassion here means seeing accurately how this person came to be the way they are.
None of it obliges you to forgive, to stay, to go, or to excuse a single thing.
Both Sides of You Have Been Fighting for Years
The part of you that loves this person and the part that wants distance have been at war for a long time.
Neither one is going to be talked out of the room. Both of them are telling you something accurate.
Give the Younger You What It Went Without
We listen to each side at length, until you can say plainly what each one is for.
Then, we go back to the younger version of you that needed something from this person and never got it.
That piece finally receives what it was owed, and it doesn’t have to come from them.
Find a Clear Path and Live in Your Present
The rehearsing stops, because you no longer need a flawless performance to survive the next visit.
Guilt and shame loosen their hold, and the anxiety that trailed them eases with it.
Whatever you decide about contact, you decide it from a settled place.
You live confidently in your present, with the history behind you finally healed.
Start Before You Know What You Want to Do
You can begin this work while the relationship is still going and while you’re still undecided.
Both sides of you are welcome on that first call: the one who loves this person and the one who wants distance.
There’s no charge for the call, and I work online with adults in Michigan, Illinois, and Indiana.
Call me today at (269) 921-6953.
It's Time to BECOME KNOWN
You already know that if you don’t unburden the harms of your past, you’ll keep running from the emotional pain of it.
The running puts more distance between you and the people you love, more distance between you and yourself, and pushes you further into the coping that breeds more shame.
In our work together, we’ll build insight into who you are. Why you function the way you do. How to change the behaviors, thoughts, and feelings that no longer feel helpful.
To yourself, and to the people you love: it’s time to BECOME KNOWN.
Something different. Something permanent. That's what this is.
Unburden the harms of your past and live a life where you truly like who you are.
Call me at (269) 921-6953. We’ll talk by phone first, at no cost, and you can decide from there.
Free 15-minute phone consultation. Online throughout Illinois, Michigan, and Indiana.